Voldemorts Diary
by Evepog
Summary: After the defeat of Voldemort, Harry and Ron stumble across something strange. Something they were not expecting to find... Voldemorts diary! Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
1. Chapter 1

A/N

**Evepog:** Harry! Ron! We finally found you - we were just searching through Voldemort's old house and we found this *presents old book

**Rebtek:** His secret diary!

**Ron:** Wait what! You found his house?! How...?

**Evepog:** ...that doesn't matter...  
><strong>Rebtek:<strong> ...details, details...

**Evepog:** No need to be so curious Ronald, after all curiosity kills that cat

**Rebtek:** Well in his case, his friends cat tried to kill his rat...

**Ron:** *blushes* Please don't bring that up. And don't call me Ronald!

**Evepog:** We'll call you whatever we like if you want to see the diary

**Harry:** OMG his diary! GIMME GIMME

**Evepog:** Yeah, it'll come at a price

**Rebtek:** GIVE ME A WAND

**Evepog:** AND A BROOM

**Rebtek:** AVADA CADAVRA!

**Harry:** I don't think shouting that is a good idea...

**Evepog:** ...BERTIE BOTTS EVERY FLAVOUR BEANS!  
><strong>Ron:<strong> Ew you do _not_ want to try those...

**Rebtek:** AND BUTTER BEER

**Evepog:** AND A FREE CAULDRON

**Rebtek:** JUST GIVE ME MAGIC

**Harry:** I don't think the 'give me magic' thing is actually a rule...

**Evepog:** YOU ARE HARRY POTTER - YOU DONT NEED RULES

**Harry:** Just give me the book

**Rebtek:** Fine, but we expect those things later

-

Dear Diary,

Omg! I just found out about this prophecy and that says I'm going to be killed by a BABY! IKR! A BABY! HA! How could such a stupid being defeat me, The Dark Lord? I know everyone hates me but is this _really _the best they can do?

This is why the Wizarding World needs a ruler - they can't do anything by themselves - they just muck it up.

_Fear. _That's what will control them. Technically, I'm just bringing them together, by giving them something in common: _fear of me._ That's going to be my new motto.

I might as well get rid of this baby - its not like I'm scared or anything, but I just don't want him messing with my scary reputation. I mean, reputation is everything these days, if they're not scared of me, they'll riot, and then I would have to kill them. But they know that already, _because of my badass reputation_.

So, once I know where these Potters live, I'm gonna barge into they're house and kill their son. I've already planned how to do it and everything so they can witness THE MIGHT OF THE DARK LORD VOLDEMORT!

I just need to find someone who knows where this, _Potter_, boy is. I think I'll be able to bully one of his fathers old school friends enough to tell me. Wormtail, he seems like a disloyal piece of dirt, so overcome by fear.

Time to make a little visit.

Voldie


	2. Chapter 2

**Evepog: **Yay you're reading the second diary entry!  
><strong>Rebtek: <strong>This one may be quite short but the best things come in small packages!

Dear Diary,

I've just found Wormtail in a hole, disguised as a rat. How he trembled when he saw me. He seemed quite willing to give me the information, but I decided a little cruciatus curse wouldn't hurt... me, anyway! Heheheheheh. After that I found out everything I needed, the Potters live at Godrics Hollow. I am just about to evaporate there.

Voldie

P.S. I mean disapparate not evaporate...


	3. Chapter 3

**Evepog**: Oops...we made this a while back and I forgot to post it...

**Rebtek**: *sighs and face palms* Well done Evepog.

**Evepog**: IM SORRY! I completely forgot, please forgive me!

**Rebtek**: You can't be _Sirius_! Its been like 3 weeks ...haha pun

**Ron**: Bloody hell! You're just as bad as a babbling, bumbling band of baboons!

**Evepog**: Well you're not much better!

**Rebtek**: Yeah!

**Harry**: Stop it! Lets just read the diary!

Dear Diary,

OH MY ME, NO! THE PROPHECY WAS TRUE! No, I can't accept that I was beaten by a one year old. It's impossible, isn't it? I mean, even the most powerful of wizards can't defeat me. What dark magic could it have been? How can a child so young know it? I'm not really sure what to do next – my badass reputation is definitely gone now, some people even think that I've been killed! But I haven't. I have a new plan now: it involves unicorns, a loyal follower, and the philosopher's stone. I've heard unicorn blood will curse you but it will keep me alive, until I have the stone. My plan will be complete and I can come back and show the world that I will not be defeated by a mere child!

Voldie


	4. Chapter 4

**Evepog**: Woah! *shocked silence*

**Rebtek**: Wow, he really wrote a lot here, it's HUGE!

**Evepog**: aaw I'm kind of feeling sorry for Voldie *snickers at nickname*

**Rebtek**: Omg Evepog, just snape it off

**Evepog**: *starts dancing* Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

**Rebtek**: *starts dancing with Evepog* Snape is gonna snape, snape, snape, snape, snape, snape

**Evepog** **and** **Rebtek**: SNAPE IT OFF, SNAPE IT OFF!

**Harry**: Not this again...

**Ron**: Lets just read the diary!

**Harry**: They don't even own that song...some muggle made it

* * *

><p>Dear Diary,<p>

The wizarding world is on the look out for me, as if there is new hope for them. I had to flee, so I got one of my loyal followers to apparate me to Germany.

It's so annoying - everything - including my torture stuff - was in Britain!

The rest of my followers have left, they're all too scared to admit they helped me. Even the one who apparated me here quickly apparated back, so I travel through alone.

I decided that somewhere without many people would be best, the Black Forest will have to do!

By chance, I happened to run into a...um... "willing" man while I was there.

After bargaining for what felt like hours, he finally agreed to help me, but only after I promised him immortality.

Unfortunately (for him), when I said I needed help, he didn't quite know what he was getting involved in. Mwahaha!

I told him to perform the spell that would bind my soul to his body, and being the idiot he is, he did it. The next few hours were a blur, as I drifted in and out of consciousness. What?! Binding souls is very tiring!

Admittedly, even I didn't realise all the side effects of the spell - I knew about the unicorn blood thing, but when I woke up I got quite a surprise!

I had expected to be in control of Quirrels body, but no! MY FACE WAS ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD!

WHAT THE HELL!?

But, I've got to say, its weird being stuck there, I have a feeling I might get tired of not having any privacy, he even has to write this diary for me! I can always make him forget when I get a body of my own though...

Quirrel: Hey, I get no privacy either!  
>Voldie: Well I'm the Dark Lord so either stop ruining my diary, or I will have to use the imperious curse on you!<p>

Good, that shut him up. Its a right nuisance I can tell you, but I'll soon have my body back.

Anyway, I have to go now - and unfortunately its not to kill people. I've got to try and get used to this new body, which I hate (too much nose in my opinion). (Quirrel: HEY!)  
>I also have to start planning how to get the Philosphers Stone, which I hear is soon going to be moved- probably to Gringotts, or Hogwarts, seeing as Albus Dumbledore is there.<p>

Voldie x

(and Quirrel)

P.S.  
>HEY! What are you doing! The Dark Lord Voldemort DOES NOT put KISSES at the end of his name!<p>

Quirrel: You called yourself Voldie - I thought kisses would be suitable


End file.
